New Year

Its a new year, the past years go by so fast. It seems like just yesterday we started 2008. So much happened in 2008 for me, but I am excited to see what will happen in 2009.

We are still waiting for that little one that God has planned for us to come into our lives, maybe it will be this year. The birthmom we are currently working with is set to have a c-section in two weeks. She is still very unsure what she wants to do. This is hard for us, because we cannot be looked at by other moms until she has completely made her decision. I know it is a hard decision to make, but it seems as if she is not taking into consideration our feelings either. I have prayed that God would just close this door before we get too much farther into the month if this is not the baby he wants for us.

We went out and bought some clothes, and other baby items we thought we would need when the baby comes home. Yesterday, we received a letter from the birthmom, she told us that she is still not sure what she wants to do. she told us we could come to the hospital to visit if we wanted. I don't plan on going to the hospital unless I know for sure that I will be bringing this baby home. I don't want to sound mean or rude, but I have emotions too and I don't want to let them run wild and get all crazy seeing a baby, thinking we can bring it home, then we don't.

I have said that if this one doesn't work, I will probably not be interested in trying it again until we know that mom is 100% sure she is giving the baby up. I know with out God's help I can't handle this again. I don't think it should be this hard or this crazy. the situation our birthmom is in, it should be a no brainer.. do something to help the baby, not yourself.

I am really frustrated with the whole government system and how things work. So many people out there want to adopt, those that are unable to have babies and we are the ones who go through so many emotions. I know the birthmom's do too, but we are the ones who are waiting on a decision that we have no say in. This decision will change our lives no matter what the outcome is.