Still no news about a baby. I was really hoping God would intervene & prevent us from spending a lot of money for a baby. I guess not. I also had my hopes up that we would find a baby without an agency, but it looks as if that isn't going to happen either. I know all of this is a crazy process, but I'm ready for it to be over. I just want a baby so bad, someone to take care of and share all my extra love. Justin tries, but he doesn't quite fill the hole that is in my heart. I have asked God to provide something to fill that hole, but I can't see anything yet. I just don't know what I'm going to do, I don't know if I can continue with out getting depressed all the time.

Our county fair is going on this week..its a big deal here. Anyway I thought that might help, get me out, away from my house so I wouldn't think about it. Well..that didn't work either, all I saw were young pregnate girls, & older ones or families with babies. Its really hard when I see friends that I know that have only been married for a couple years with a couple kids.

I feel like I've waited long enough, but I guess God wants me to wait a little longer. I told God that I need his help because I can't do this alone. For some reason I feel like life has gotten harder recently and its not letting up. I don't know what else to do.

Update

Sorry I haven't written in a while, but there really hasn't been much going on. We never heard from the caseworker, so we are assuming the baby didn't live. We had a call the other night about a baby in Mississippi, but when I asked about how much it would cost, it was too expensive since we would have to travel there to get the baby. A friend of mine from church has mentioned she knows a lady who wants to give her baby up for adoption, she is from Indiana, anyway.. she is going to call the lady sometime this week. This baby is due next month, so I am praying about this.

I am trying not to get my hopes up. I don't want to be depressed again. I know God has the right baby for us, but it is so hard to keep that in my mind. I really want to believe it, but i have a hard time believing it at times. I want a baby by the end of the year, but I know God is in charge.

Please pray for us as we continue this journey. I know its only been a couple months since we started, but it seems like it has been a long time.

Venting

Ok so there is no new about the adoption stuff right now. We are still working on everything. Anyway....I just need to vent!! We have finally paid off our car and both cars are now payment free. Which is a wonderful feeling...well tonight while we were out the service engine light came on. We just had stuff looked at and fixed a couple weeks ago..before vacation. What is going on with our cars. We have been looking at buying someting a little bigger with a little more room for when we do adopt. Because of my oxygen, we don't have much room in our trunk & are looking at a crossover vehicle that has seats that will lay down & make extra room.

Anyway...we don't have the money to get anyting new, because every vehicle we have looked at is either way to high in price or in mileage. God has not provided the right vehicle yet. But we also don't have the money to fix up everything that may need done to our car. Justin's work car needs brakes, but the car has around 200k miles and we don't want to put the money into brakes for that amount of miles. Our good car has 110k miles and it does well, but it is the one that the light just came on.

Well.. thats all I needed was to just get things out. I really wish we knew what to do, we are trying to adopt and yet all this stuf with our cars keeps happening.

New Idea

Well.. still no news about the last baby. We assume that the baby did not live. We have decided to start putting together a scrapbook of our life so we can continue our process. We are going to send our information and the scrapbook to a teen pregnancy home close to us. We want to have our name out there and who knows what God will do. We are also doing this while we save up the extra money we need to send our information to our agency. We still have some time to get all that stuff.

I would rather go to a private adoption with a lawyer than with an agency. They are all out to make money and will tell you all kinds of things to get you to adopt from them. I guess that is how life is and everything is like that. God has it all in his hands and we need to remember he will take care of everything.