Venting

Ok so there is no new about the adoption stuff right now. We are still working on everything. Anyway....I just need to vent!! We have finally paid off our car and both cars are now payment free. Which is a wonderful feeling...well tonight while we were out the service engine light came on. We just had stuff looked at and fixed a couple weeks ago..before vacation. What is going on with our cars. We have been looking at buying someting a little bigger with a little more room for when we do adopt. Because of my oxygen, we don't have much room in our trunk & are looking at a crossover vehicle that has seats that will lay down & make extra room.

Anyway...we don't have the money to get anyting new, because every vehicle we have looked at is either way to high in price or in mileage. God has not provided the right vehicle yet. But we also don't have the money to fix up everything that may need done to our car. Justin's work car needs brakes, but the car has around 200k miles and we don't want to put the money into brakes for that amount of miles. Our good car has 110k miles and it does well, but it is the one that the light just came on.

Well.. thats all I needed was to just get things out. I really wish we knew what to do, we are trying to adopt and yet all this stuf with our cars keeps happening.

New Idea

Well.. still no news about the last baby. We assume that the baby did not live. We have decided to start putting together a scrapbook of our life so we can continue our process. We are going to send our information and the scrapbook to a teen pregnancy home close to us. We want to have our name out there and who knows what God will do. We are also doing this while we save up the extra money we need to send our information to our agency. We still have some time to get all that stuff.

I would rather go to a private adoption with a lawyer than with an agency. They are all out to make money and will tell you all kinds of things to get you to adopt from them. I guess that is how life is and everything is like that. God has it all in his hands and we need to remember he will take care of everything.

No News

We still haven't heard anything about the young baby. I know we still have a couple more days to go, but my hope that the baby will live is dwindling quickly. I really don't know which way to go next. I just feel blah.. not sure how i really feel. I can't even put it into words. I want a baby, but at the same time I don't want to go through the trouble and loss of getting one. I am a little depressed. I know its easier to say than believe, but God will take care of everything. I know He has the right baby for us at the right time. I know there is a reason for this delay.

I heard from our Homestudy agency, apparently they didn't have all our info, even though they told us everything was in & accepted a couple weeks ago. I was a little distrubed when they called & told me that some of it was missing. We have sent this stuff in so many times. I don't think I will deal with this agency again.

I am trying to listen for God's voice and do what he wants us to do. I guess I am just not listening hard enough. I know God will tell us our next step when its time, but its really hard to just wait on his timing. I guess I got my hopes up way to quick.. everything seemed too good to be true and right now I'm starting to believe it was. I still have this small wish that we will get a call and the baby will live & there will be nothing wrong with it.

I know its a small glimmer of hope, but it is still there. I am starting to have a hard time being around babies again. I was doing better when I was excited about us adopting one, now I am just not so thrilled. I know I shouldn't be like this and I want to change I just don't know what to do other than pray and that I don't even feel like its doing anything.

Baby update

We just got back from vacation and have news about the possiblity of a baby. We have found out that the doctors say the baby may not live once its born. We know that God can do miracles and has done many in the past. I tried not to get my hopes up too much, but I couldn't help it. I was getting excited. Now I don't know what to think. I feel a little disappointed, but I know there is still hope. We can only pray. We will know more in the next week.

I don't know if I can do this every time. I don't want to get my hopes up and then have them crushed everytime we have a possiblity of a baby. I am also trying to decide if I want to pay an agency to find a family for us. I want a baby, but I don't know if there is one out there for us. I am somewhat depressed about the whole thing. Keep us in your prayers as we continue through this journey and begin to learn what God wants to teach us.